Good morning! What a great weekend in the NICU!! We had a couple delays with breastfeeding but it worked out. We were supposed to work with Christina, the Lactation Consultant on Thursday but she ended up calling in sick. Then Friday we were going to but she got busy playing catch up from being gone on Thursday. She came in yesterday but we didn't know what time she was supposed to be there and our schedules didn't really cross. So hopefully we will see her today, but we have been doing ok without her in the meantime. After missing her on Friday the nurse told me to just talk to the girls nurses and we can give it a try at anytime. So Saturday was our day! Isabell ended up having an upset tummy and was puking everything up and then slept through all her feeding times. Part of the deal is they should be awake and cuing before we give it a try, at least without lactation for sure. But Anabell was WIDE awake and going crazy rooting so we decided to give it a try. She latched right on and I swear she knew better than me what was going on! She kept looking at me like "oh my God mom, bout dang time!" I have been so excited but I thought it was more about it being another step they have to accomplish before we can take them home, but it ended up being such a special bonding time for us. Then I felt extra guilty for not spending that special time with Isabell yet.
Yesterday when we came in Isabell was off her nasal cannula and breathing all by herself with no help!! Little rockstar didn't want to be shown up by her sister! "Yeah, she may be breastfeeding, but look at me!" Yesterday was also her bath day and Jim and I tackled that like a champ!! Haha, not! Poor Isabell! We didn't drown her at least, but we really didn't know what we were doing! I'm pretty sure she is cleaner than she was, but no guarantees! Unfortunately we also turned her into a popsicle and then she had some breathing problems. I think she got so worked up from the bath and then after being so cold she passed out and was in a deep deep sleep and forgot you still need to breathe! She got the nasal cannula back for a little while but when we left last night she was back off. I breastfed Anabell again last night and she did even better! She latched right on and had to of had one full belly between breastfeeding and they upped her feedings yesterday because she is gaining weight. She is almost 4 pounds now! My little chunky monkey! Isabell is right around 2 and a half pounds so she is gaining weight, but she has quite a bit of chunking up to do still!
I'm annoyed again because they got moved to another new nursery. It's definitely a quieter nursery, and ironic one of our nurses last week said everyone gets excited about moving to nursery 7 but it doesn't necessarily mean anything special, and sure enough a couple days later that's where we go! But Anabell is long overdue for getting moved to a bassinet but their new spot is right by a window and has a horrible freezing draft! She isn't coming out anytime soon if they stay next to that window! Not to mention, with a new nursery is new nurses. So far they are ok, but I'm so sick of just getting to know some and then switching again! I'm not having as bad of separation issues as I did last time after leaving Sue, but still sucks! Plus they switched resident doctors and I'm not a huge fan of the current one. The last about week and a half we had a guy named James who was wonderful at calling me every afternoon to tell me what they discussed in rounds and giving me the update. If I didn't answer he left a message so I always knew. Well Thursday a different guy called and filled me in and then I didn't hear from the doctors again. Usually the nurses are great about telling me whats going on so its not the end of the world, but its just nice to hear from the actual doctors that the girls are doing so wonderful.
I'm starting to get to the point that I just want to take my girls home and be a full time mom. I have always hated being away from them and having to leave, but now it just makes me mad. They are my girls and they should be with their mom and their family. I want to change every diaper, hold during every feeding, give every bath, change every outfit, and just be part of their schedule all day. Unfortunately that just isn't realistic while they are in the NICU, there is still real life outside the NICU. Laundry, cleaning, eating and updating this blog don't happen when I'm not at home. Then as much as I think I'm ready and want them home, I feel like the worst mom in the world and think I'm going to fail. I keep having nights that I don't wake up and pump all night which is not only the most painful thing for me, but I also keep thinking what happens if I don't get up with the girls all night when they come home?! That would be horrible, and am I relying on Jim to hear them and wake up/wake me up if I don't get up?! He doesn't get me up now, so what if we both sleep right through our girls?! I was supposed to get up and ride with Jim this morning since its such a waste of money for us to be driving separate and having to pay separate parking etc, and I totally overslept and missed that. Then when I did wake up and realized what I did I couldn't stop crying! I truly wanted to be at the hospital as much as possible today so I can be part of their schedule like I said I wanted and here I am 2 hours later sitting on the computer not getting my butt out the door. Argh, I just feel like a failure. I guess there is always tomorrow and the next day and the next day. I thought since the beginning I would spend all day everyday there and still have yet to really do that. Don't get me wrong I am there at least 5 hours a day, but normal moms are with their kids all day, not 5 stupid hours!! Especially when you have twins to divide your time, 5 hours is nothing and goes fast! Anyways, that's the news! Enjoy your Monday! God bless!!
Love- Heather, Jim, Anabell and Isabell
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