Wednesday, September 19, 2012

September 19th- Anyday now

Well its official... I was given the choice this morning to either deliver or try upping my meds one last time to gain an extra day or two. I chose the meds. I did a urine sample last night that came back elevated for protein, but the same as the last one. I had labs this morning that also came back just fine. Last of all I had an ultrasound which baby B had elevations, but no gaps. If any of those things change tomorrow I will deliver. If my blood pressure creeps back up again we will deliver. If I have a headache, vision changes, upper gastric pain, we deliver. No exceptions.

I am completely terrified and can't stop crying all morning. I know its wonderful we made it this far, we made it 6 weeks past what they originally thought. But I can't stop feeling like I failed somehow. I am not ready to be done. It was just in the last couple weeks I started seriously having lava belly and feeling them all day everyday. To be done with that already sucks. This pregnancy has not been easy in any way since the beginning, but I really never thought it would end this soon.

I had a feeling right away when I woke up this morning because I had a nurse I've never met, but one of my normal overnight ones kept coming in and chatting. I think she was trying to say goodbye. I feel like a lot of the nurses and staff have stopped in to kind of say goodbye, which isn't helping anything. I was crying already then they walk in the door and it just gets worse! I was asked if I am going to group today and I still haven't decided. My 2 favorite people delivered their twins last week, so they won't be there and I just feel like I'm going to sit there and cry some more.

Oh my other decision is whether I want a vaginal birth or c-section. I have known since I was a teen and most my siblings were having their kids that I wanted a natural birth. That went out the window when we found out we were having twins because either way they put in an epidural because it is so common to deliver A vaginally and B ends up needing a c-section so its in just in case. At least that's what rumor says and in my case would probably be likely. A c-section terrifies me! Right along with the epidural! I don't have problems with needles, but I really don't want one in my spine! I don't think a vaginal birth would be the best choice in my situation though. I'm guessing if I was induced it would be a long slow labor since I'm still so early and haven't had any contractions or any signs of labor yet. With my blood pressure already being a problem I can't see that doing me any good, and with baby B having problems off and on I don't think it would do her much good either. The doctors were open since my baby A is currently head down and they want to be supportive of whatever my decision but I think I'm just going to go with the c-section unless anyone has a good opposing viewpoint?

I'm going to keep this one shorter, I'm not exactly in the mood but figured you all might want to know the babies are on their way. I have no idea how soon I will be able to update and let you know they are delivering right now, or I already had them, but I will do my best and maybe if need be have Jim give the quick update. Hope everyone else is have a wonderful international talk like a pirate day! Apparently if you go to Krispy Kreme's and talk like a pirate you get a free doughnut and if you dress like a pirate and talk like one you get a free box... all my pirate friends feel free to just drop off those doughnuts at the hospital for me! Yum! God bless!

Love-Heather, Jim, Anabell and Isabell

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